Learn The Vocab: What Do All These Words Mean?

 

Mistress Matisse's Basic Glossary of BDSM Terms:

SM: A blanket term for SM related activities, proclivities, affiliations.

BD: Bondage and Discipline

D/s: Dominance and submission

BDSM: A longer version to encompass more folks. I use "BDSM" and "SM" interchangeably.

Top: the dominant person in an SM relationship. This is a generic term, and most people feel that they have a more specific identity, such as Daddy, Mistress, and Trainer; all of which have different and specific types of behavior associated with them.

Bottom: the generic term for the submissive person in an SM relationship. Again, there are many more specific ways of identifying oneself - little girl/boy, or slave.

Switch: generic term for someone who has the capacity to both top and bottom. Can be used as either a noun, "She's a switch", or a verb, "He switches".

*Sadist: someone whose primary interest in SM is causing pain. There is a difference between a top that is a sadist and a top that is a dominant, although one can be both.

*Masochist: someone whose primary interest in SM is receiving pain. There is a difference between masochists and submissives, although, again, one can be both.

*Dominant: someone who enjoys controlling and directing behavior, but not necessarily causing intense sensation, although that may also be part of their kink.

*Submissive: someone who enjoys being controlled and directed, without necessarily wanting to receive intense sensation, although that may also be part of their kink.

*Note: in the course of casual conversation, all of these words are frequently used rather loosely by people in the BDSM community. It would be a mistake to draw firm conclusions about anyone's personal preferences based on an offhand remark. If it’s important to you, ask.

A Scene: a period of time during which one is doing actual SM activities. A scene can be for a rigidly defined time, place and activity, or it may be more casually instigated and ended with less definition. Scene can also be used to denote the leather/SM community as a whole. As in, "Is X in the scene?"

Safe Words: A word or set of words agreed upon by the participants that will end the scene. Many players use two different words, one for "slow down" and one for "stop everything" - words like "yellow" and "red" are common for that. The generic safeword is "safeword!"

Play: used in appropriate context, it means to do SM.

Play party: a party at which people will gather together primarily to do SM.

Topping from the bottom. This means that someone is attempting to direct the activities of the scene from the submissive position. A bad thing to do.

After Care: time that is spent, at the end of a scene, to discuss, communicate issues, and generally transition from the roles of Top and bottom back to the roles maintained between the participants prior to the scene.

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 Basic Poly Glossary

Poly: Short for polyamorous.

Polyamory: The non-possessive, honest, responsible ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Based on the conscious choice of how many partners one wishes to be involved with, rather than accepting social norms that dictate monogamy as the only acceptable form of love.

Non-Monogamy: In general, this is simply another way of saying "polyamorous". It is sometimes felt to have a slightly different meaning, since the word "amour", meaning "love", is not present in the root word. This is sometimes felt to mean that the person using this term may have more casual relationships.

Dyad: A relationship consisting of two primary partners.

Triad: The most basic and common form of multipartner relationship, consisting of three adult primary partners.

Primary Relationship: A committed, long term, live in relationship which may or may not include marriage and/or shared economy.

Secondary Relationship: An intimate relationship in which the partners usually do not live together, and do not consider their relationship a first priority.

Tertiary Relationship: A friendly but casual sexual relationship of an occasional or temporary nature.

Group Marriage: a marriage in which three or more adult partners are married to each other. A group marriage may be open, closed or inclusive.

Polyfidelity: A group - of any size - in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group. More primary partners can be added only with the entire group's consent.

Polygyny: (poly=many; gyno=woman) Polygamy in which one man has two or more wives at the same time.

Polyandry: (poly=many; andro=man) Polygamy in which one woman has two or more husbands at the same time.

Swinging: Recreational sex for couples. An arrangement in which two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles, under certain circumstances and with certain agreements, as long as there is no serious emotional involvement.